Thinking Through Pink

Happy Fathers Day Daddy!!!! Love & miss u SO much ❤💗 #RIP #DaddysGirl #textgram

With some of my ladies… #ToastTuesday #FavLadies #NeededThis #Olazzao #Martinis

Make a wave!!

I’ve had a busy day but feeling good about some prospects for my future :) Remember even if you feel like your a small pebble you can make BIG waves!! I know my changes are coming for me and I’m excited for these ideas to come to life. Everything happens for a reason, in a season, and for a purpose! Oh the possibilities… :)

#ExpectTheGreat

<3,

JS

Wishing a very HAPPY Birthday to my sis @_mrs_tc who turned 30ish today!!!! She is a fab woman, great wife & mother to my favs the Chamber-babies, a great friend/singer/woman of God! She’s so fab & I hope to continue to grow our sisterly relationship for years to come! She’s a great inspiration, fashionista, & role model for me in many areas of my life! She also held me down during my journey with bc & I’m thankful for always loving, looking out for, & praying for me!! That’s my fav God sis T!!! Have a good time with Mr. T and he fam celebrating this weekend 💗😘🎉🎊🎈😊💋💕 Love you lots darling!!!!!! #HBD #MyFavTina #FabMom #SisterLove #33

“Until God opens the next door, praise Him in the hallway.”

Amen church! Another daily reminder! Even when you think/know that God has closed the door on something (for you) you have to know that He knows the plans He has for us. So if it’s in His will let it be done, if not praise Him anyhow and in advance for what He has in store for you!! It’s hard but we have to have the faith to know the best is yet to come! No matter how it looks to you… :) I’m telling myself this as I type this to you all in the midst of my own thoughts about situations in my life. Read one of my all time FAVORITE scriptures Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) » “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” «Yes Jesus! I trust you! Please help me to be patient and know that you have nothing but the BEST things in store to me. And help me to stop being anxious and worrying because “in due season I will reap if I faint not”!!! Shoot after EVERYTHING I’ve been through I know that my future will be sweet!! 100 times better than my past! And my TESTimony was written this way for a reason. I survived that stupid cancer…the devil loses…WE WIN!!!!!! *smiles* Amen!!

Just have faith guys! I’m definitely encouraging myself with this one!!!!!!

<3,

Jess

To Do List:

• Beat Cancer
• Grow Hair
• Live My Dreams!

:)

“New Self Esteem”

Earlier today I was talking with one of my great mentor/friends “my puddd” Nelly and she gave me some right on time advice. I was working on updating my short bio and I had her read over it to tell me what I should add/edit/delete. She noticed that I didn’t have being a “breast cancer survivor” listed. And lovingly chastised me for not having it down because it is “an important part of my story.” She reminded me that I should embrace being a survivor because I never know who is listening, watching, or connecting with me. That is very true…but sometimes I feel a bit awkward saying it out loud. “Survivor! I’m a survivor!”

Don’t get me wrong I am SO THANKFUL to God and in awe of where He brought me from!! *insert praise dance* It’s just sometimes I don’t feel like leading with it… “Hi, I’m Jessica and I’m a breast cancer survivor” *insert hand shake and smile* After going through all that stuff during my bc treatment plan I felt like I became super open with my story from beginning to end. And of course I try to continue to blog to you all (my reader friends) multiple times a week. So in real life I don’t necessarily like to show off being a “Jessica the survivor”, sometimes I like being regular old Jessica.

Smh…I’m working on it!

I guess I’m still learning how to be comfortable fully embracing my “survivor-dom”. After all this is my new story…my new normal!! Everyone that really knows me knows my life changed in March 2012. People saw me after my double mastectomy with muscle expanders (but didn’t notice I didn’t have my implants until I told them or may have showed them my scars), they saw me after getting my chemo port placed, transiting to losing my hair 14 days after my first chemo treatment. They saw me in the process from going bald, to growing peach fuzz, to now my hair has grown back in this new finer curly short-do. Now you can see the scar from my chemo port, or darker side of my chest (on the right and on my back) from radiation, and the weight I gained throughout my treatments (Lawd I can’t wait to shed these pounds!!). I noticed my skin color seemed to change as well my thought is from chemo I was caramel-ish brown before, during chemo I was more of a yellow/grey undertone, after chemo I have dark spots under my eyes and seem to be back to a light brown/caramel with a reddish undertone. Most days when I ask my fam/friends say I look pretty “normal”. Things are slowly getting back to a normal for me even though I am still dealing with fatigue and some pain from time to time.

So like I said…I’m working on it!

Now past all the physical stuff I’m mostly being with self esteem and the mental stuff post cancer. I know I need to find a professional to talk to or go back to a cancer support group (I prefer the young cancer survivor ones). So I need to get on it! I was so good with keeping up with my appointments, consultations, and treatments. I need to get back in that mind set and work on my mental health after my journey. And I need to go to physical therapy for my arm (range of motion and chest tightness post my reconstruction surgery). On top of making and keeping all my of my follow up appointments for Oncology, Radiation Oncology, and with my plastic and breast surgeons… Looks like I have some updating my to do list…

Just remember can’t “nobody” love you until you learn to love yourself!

“Self esteem…it is esteem of the self!” ~Erica, one of my sorority sisters at Dove S.P.A. a few years ago «Lol, it’s true!!

Love ya,

Jess

Practicing my #Bananagrams skills & happy for this chill day :) Most importantly today I want to #salute all those in every branch of the military & armed forces especially those who have lost their lives fighting for our Country, overseas, & around the World!!! We will keep your #memory alive on #MemorialDay & everyday! God Bless our troops! #Thankful for this day off but praying for those who have lost their family members, friends, spouses, or other loved ones! #GoArmy #GoNavy #GoAirForce #GoCoastGuard #GoMarines shout out my Daddy who is a ex Marine & Vietnam vet #RIP <3

I was very happy with this winning #Bananagrams hand!! Having 3 jokers and alot of vowels helped me :) #iWin #FunTimes I’m getting the hang of it…plus that round I had no peels or dumps! #BananaLondon2012SpecialEdition #Bananas

I LOVE that my God sis @_mrs_tc & my long time bff Key Lo Lo wear their original #TeamJessica wristband (bubblegum pink) & the new one (hot pink) :) This makes my heart proud!!!!!! Go Team Jessica for the Cure!!! #BreastCancerAwareness #SurvivorStatus #BestSupporters #DearFriends #HappySunday

Got a new game to play with fam/friends! I’ve never played but it should be fun… #MemorialDayWeekend #Bananagrams #CookoutFun Who wants to play?!

I am in love with #Eos products especially the sphere lip balms :) #Ulta #StrawberrySorbet #HappyHealthyLips #Kissable #CosmeticChic #Addicted

Another coworker friend of mine is leaving :( But he’s on to bigger & better things & I’m proud of him! @rozayjae is one of my fav TV One boys even though he’s a Giants fan *smh* But we always will have our twice a year feuds #GoSkins :) Farewell my friend!!!! #SeeYa #MrGQ #AlwaysFresh #NYGuy #KIT #IHaveTheCoolestCoworkers #RedskinsVsGiants #DecemberFirst I will win our next bet!

Happy 60th Birthday Daddy!!

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!!!!! I’m a couple of days late but I definitely did not want to miss giving a special shout out to my Dad for his Birthday! This past Monday, May 20th 2013 marked my Daddy’s (Sylvester M. Shorter Sr.) 60th BIRTHDAY!!!!! I have been a little emotional everyday leading up to it and the 2 days since…but it’s a happy emotion sprinkled with a little sadness. I usually post on his actual Birthday but this year I needed a few days.

10 years ago on May 20th 2003 we celebrated with my Dad as he turned 50…we didn’t know it was his last Birthday with our family. Every year I celebrate and honor him on his special day!! The months after he passed away on August 20, 2003 (3 months after his Birthday) were rough. Honestly sometimes it still is…but I cling towards the great memories I had growing up with our family of 4 and my faith that my Father is with our heavenly Father! I thank God for my Daddy up in heaven! Even though I wish I would’ve had him with me these last 10 years of my young adult life…I know he’s definitely in a better place!

I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since he passed away. If you told me 10 years ago that I would loss him and 10 years later at 28 (almost 29) I would be a 1 year cancer survivor I couldn’t believe it. It was through the toughest year of my life during my journey with BC and without him that I feel stronger. He wasn’t here physically but I felt him spiritually with me many times…even the moment after I was diagnosed and I was all alone in my house crying on the bed. But GOD IS SO GOOD!!! And I strive to make my Dad proud and to keep his legacy alive. We even got fro-yo on Monday and I said Happy Birthday and ate it with him in mind :) I salute my Daddy! I love him SOOOOOOOO much!

On Monday, I almost got the nerve to visit his grave site since I haven’t been in a few years. I believe in what the bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:8, “to be absent from the body is to be present with the lord.” So maybe I’ll go there someday soon… Love you always and forever Daddy!! Miss you so much more than I can describe…

HAPPY 60TH my love!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3 Your Jessi Pooh,

Elder Sylvester M. Shorter Sr. (Sunrise: 5/20/53 ~ Sunset: 8/20/03)